Saturday Morning Coffee at the Roaster

the pain is incessant
like a constant throbbing
through my entire body

my head hurts
ideas swirl and churn
turning upside down, inside out
and then settle to find themselves
either in the 'to be considered' pile
or in my proverbial brain 'waste basket'
this hurts

'What about....?'
'No'
'Or have you considered?'
'Yes'
'Oh, that's a thought,
I'll keep that for further consideration'

and then, just when I think
I have something genuine
to grab hold of
like an alligator
clamping down on a gazelle,
I spot something else
that might taste better, or
I realize that I'm a vegetarian
and the pain continues

I thought that childbirth
was painful,
but this is worse.
I am truly giving birth
to me.
The good news is
that because I have borne
beautiful, challenging,
satisfying children,
I am hopeful, no... certain
this this birth will be
just as successful
and in some ways
more important.
The birth of me
will make everything
before
and after
that much better.
But right now
I have to choose
gazelle, or buffalo,
and I still might be a vegetarian.